


I Wish I Could Be the One to Love You

by darlingjegulus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, POV Regulus Black, Pining, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black-centric, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, reg is in sixth year and james is in seventh, sorry fellow jegulus shippers this is a mean one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjegulus/pseuds/darlingjegulus
Summary: Regulus Black gains a journal to document his ever-growing infatuation with James Potter.
Relationships: Referenced James Potter/Lily Evans, Regulus Black/James Potter
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twitter users @jegulus and @nobleregulus](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=twitter+users+%40jegulus+and+%40nobleregulus).



> this will be a brief fic, an exploration of regulus' feelings! i adore this ship (and seek to one day write one where it is requited!) and i hope this will be entertaining! enjoy!

September 1, 1977

I had almost forgotten how gorgeous James is.

Almost.  
Someone would have to wipe my memory to have me forget completely.

Going three months without seeing him was ~~horrible~~ agony. The world was cruel to force me to go from being around the single most handsome boy of Hogwarts to being surrounded only by Kreacher. He was good company; I could never deny my lovely elf that compliment. But it was undeniable to note that he was not particularly attractive, not so easy on the eyes with his wrinkled skin and hunched back (and, I might add, an often less than agreeable temperament, but I digress). 

Looking at Kreacher’s face even made me wonder what James would look like when he had wrinkles like that … when he was old. I imagine he’ll be handsome. I know it. 

Enough about Kreacher and wrinkles and all that.

I saw him today. 

He was with his friends, with my brother, but most notably he was with Lily. Lily, with her gorgeous red hair and a sweet smile. It was no wonder James adored her so much. Though I would never pay her much mind, even I had to admit she was beautiful, and boys like James always go for the pretty girls. Together, they looked so bright, so radiant, like the sun shined down on them even through the ceiling of the Hogwarts Express. 

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t jealous. Of course, I was. 

And that was only when I caught a glimpse of James. Once we arrived and were seated in the Great Hall, all of my attention latched itself to him and him alone. Dumbledore likely gave a nice speech and all but quite frankly I didn’t much care to hear it. Before my eyes was something far better and far more entertaining. 

It was one of those rare moments where James was ~~quiet~~ not the center of attention. And yet, it still felt as though he was supremely deserving of that attention, even as Dumbledore restated all the rules we were meant to follow (not that it would stop James and Sirius). Sitting there, a residual hint of a smile on his face, seeming to twitch at the prospect of being able to laugh again soon. An occasional little joke was told to Sirius, some flirtations directed towards Lily. His hands were restless, fingers tapping against the table incessantly, accompanied by his right leg doing the same against the floor. He hated sitting still, always had. We have that in common at least, though my restlessness manifests more in my thoughts, my eyes. 

At one point, he reached over and grabbed Lily’s hand, sliding their fingers together and squeezing. Maybe a bit embarrassing to admit, but I imagined my own hand as hers, imagined how it would feel to be held by James, to be the object of his affections. 

That managed to bring a smile to my lips.  
Or at least, what felt like one.

It was enough for me.  
I can sleep more easily tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

September 19, 1977

For once in my life, I feel genuinely excited about something.  
Every single day, I get to wake up knowing that James is nearby, that someone I care about more than life itself is within reach. 

I looked back at my first entry a few days ago. If anyone were to ever read this, they might think I’m some horrible stalker, following after my prey, documenting their every move, and waiting to make my first attempt. It’s nothing like that, I can assure any potential reader of this fact.

James and I became acquainted many years ago. Sirius became his best friend immediately following their first meeting (and they have since become inseparable, a fact that I will somewhat confidently say makes me irrationally envious). That meant James was an occasional visitor at home, though in order for that to happen .. he had to fool my mother. Not that a stupid inconvenience like that would burden someone like James. He’s charming and endearing, and that was something that was still true even when he was younger. My brother and his lovely companion managed to convince my family that he was pure-blood, citing the fact that his parents were both graduates of Hogwarts just as she was. The fact that he had a muggle-born grandmother was cleverly hidden, and our mother never asked another question. She only gave him the occasional funny look, seeming to show her suspicions, but not daring to challenge the integrity of a ‘fellow’ muggle-born.

All of that is beside the point. Just a little memory.

That first time he had come was in his fifth year. Not that he ever told me things like this, but I assumed that he figured a younger James wouldn’t have been smart enough or mature enough to handle our ~~wonderful~~ ~~glorious~~ darling mother. And he likely would have been right.  
We were introduced for the first time. I had seen him around the school of course, because who hadn’t? He was already becoming a legend, especially when in the company of my brother, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, but I had only seen him from afar. There was no reason for us to be close; that failed to stop me from craving it regardless.

I’ll never forget the smile he had on his face as he told me his name.  
Perfect doesn’t seem good enough to describe it. Nothing does.

Words could never compare to the picture etched in my memory.

I didn’t fall for him right away. That took time. Though, not very much time. His infectious personality and laugh, his beautiful face, his lovely voice .. it didn’t take long for them to get a tight grasp on me. 

He doesn’t talk to me very often. Polite in the hallways, giving a little wave every now and then. I’m aware of my position. The brother of the best friend. That doesn’t make it any less .. disappointing. 

Maybe it’s selfish. He’s happy with Lily. That should make me happy.

Right?


End file.
